So at work I just said that I can’t go to Russia or Hungary because it doesn’t feel safe for me as a dyke. Imagine my surprise when people said the mandatory “personally I accept anything I mean you can’t forbid it I mean you can’t deny it exists”.
Great now I know you’re an ass.
I’m so fucking tired if being dumped and sad. I can’t even be mad, because I’m still in love. I’m getting sick of myself, I just want to have a sense of self back. I don’t like living alone. I loved living with her. I just can’t forgive myself for not being enough for her to stay in love with. When will I get at least myself back?
My girlfriend left me this Friday. We were together two years and I can’t believe how much I thought we were forever. She says she’s not in love anymore. She loves me, but she’s not in love. I thought we were past that, I thought we were bigger than that. I’m still in love. Crazy in love. I’ve been bawling my eyes out for days, she’s packing her things to move out of our apartment. I’m living at my mom’s. I’m getting one of the cats, Aslan, the only reason I didn’t have him was because she was allergic.
I have never experienced such sorrow. I feel like my hope died, like my entire life changed. I’m not good with change. I thought we were going to have kids, and have them soon, within two years. I believed. So much. And so did she for a very long time.
I can’t even be grateful. I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t see it coming. I can’t see how it could ever be okay again.
I can’t eat, sleep nor concentrate. I understand why people think love is in the heart. Because that’s what hurts. Someone is sitting on my chest.
What do I do with all this wasted love ?